show us your schnitzel: koliba

kitty c —  January 24, 2012 — 1 Comment

Sometimes you want just to eat a piece of schnitzel as big as your face.  Or an enormous amount of fried cheese.  Lucky for you, my cheese and enormous schnitzel-eating friends, Melbourne’s only Czech-Slovic restaurant Kolibar (Johnstone St, Collingwood) caters for both.  We went for Mase’s birthday and specifically, to eat bread dumplings.  Not hugely summer fare but the Birth-dee called it.  It was a pretty authentic experience.  Authenticity measured as follows:

1.   Multi-lingual menu - English, Czech and Slovic.

2.   Tables and chairs in the bar area are made from wooden beer kegs, which I love.  Confirms (potentially misguided) impression the Czech/Slovic peoples have struggled to afford furniture but are able to afford large quantities of beer.

3.   Czech beer, sold in 0.3L, 0.5L and 1L steins.


4.   Service is a delightful blend of honest and surly, which is simultaneously refreshing and makes you wonder if and how you have mortally offended.


Me:  This doesn’t appear to my meal.  It is the same at that person’s meal, yet we didn’t order the same thing.

Waitress:  No, no.  These are different.  Show me what you ordered.

Me:  *indicates meal on menu*

W:  Yes, that is what you have.  We give you chips.  For no extra.  You pay no extra for that.

Me:  Ok.  It doesn’t really look like fish though. Looks like… pork.

W: *shrugs*


Mase: Are the ‘side dumplings’ bread dumplings?  Or normal dumplings?

W:  All the dumplings are the same.  There is no bread dumplings.

M:  Oh, ok.  Because some things say ‘bread dumplings’ and some say ‘dumpling’.

W:  *shrugs*. There is one type of dumpling.

Stan made the mistake of attempting some light hearted banter:

S:  But we came from NSW.  We came all the way from NSW for the bread dumplings.

W:  Ok.

S:  It seems like you don’t care.  You don’t really care, do you?

W:   *shrugs*.

Actually, there was a lot of shrugging.  And then, funnily enough, a lot of bread dumplings, so perhaps was even stevens.

I give 3.5 stars.  Options for non-meat eaters really are: ‘soup’ and ‘fried cheese and chips’ (2 varieties), suggesting vegetarian dishes are not the cornerstone of the Czech/Slovac cuisine.  Reviews suggesting large serving sizes are not exaggerated.

Koliba Czech&Slovak restaurant on Urbanspoon

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kitty c


Melbourne-based writer, blogger and pumpkin enthusiast.

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. friday lunch: vietnamese in mitcham | my mini manifesto - October 21, 2012

    [...] Want more conversations over food?  Check out: the Crazy Poker Faced ‘You’re not funny’ Waiting Staff at Koliba. [...]

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