On existing ailements

kitty c —  November 21, 2014 — Leave a comment

Big fat fluffy pillows look delicious but they’re a pain the neck.  From now on I’m sleeping with a face washer folded in half under my head.   

My head was propped up so high last night I HAVE SORE TEETH. 


This is not me but I can sympathise.

What is a reasonable number of Cruskets to eat in one sitting?  I mean, by the square centimetre they’re quite large but by weight they’re nothing.  I feel like anything under ten is perfectly fine. 

Aldi (home of Crispettes, their version of Cruskets) opened at the shopping centre near us yesterday and every man and his dog was there getting cut price cans of tuna.  It was like being at a carnival in a refrigerated warehouse somewhere in East Germany.  They had food samples (nuts, mainly) and a guy in a faded red business suit and a top hat wandering about. 

I think more occasions could do with a man in a red suit and a top hat.  It adds a touch of formality and PIZZAZ! at the same time.

You'll need to imagine the

(You’ll need to imagine the top hat)

the nutribullet

kitty c —  November 18, 2014 — 1 Comment

I want to get a Nutribullet so bad.  Every time I go to the gym to mooch about on the treadmill they’re selling them on the TVs.  All those exclamation points on the subtitles are wearing me down (!!!). 


They’re amazing!  They fit in the palm of your hand and turn almonds into milk and kale into juice and crush ice like it’s water. 

AND if you order now you get a free stone pan.

AND it’s only $14.95 for a 15 day trial.

AND naked man holding giant pair of pants.  


Is it hot in here?

kitty c —  November 9, 2014 — 2 Comments

I don’t normally make people suffer through the boredom that is recounting one’s dreams but last night I dreamt I did it with Napoleon Dynamite’s brother.  


He was an attentive lover.

first world problems #127

kitty c —  November 8, 2014 — Leave a comment

I have been googling Birkenstocks.  I feel that ergonomic footwear is the future and it’s Birkenstocks, those massaging sandals or Homey Peds (there is nothing wrong with Homey Peds).  The biggest decision is material and colour.  Can’t decide between black and steel and blue and leather or nubuck.

Look!  The Olsen twins are in birkis.  (Maybe when I get mine people will think it’s the Olsen TRIPLETS?):

olsen birks

recommended viewing

kitty c —  November 8, 2014 — Leave a comment

Oh, man.  The Lindsay Lohan documentary by Oprah Winfrey is THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.  I envy everyone who has never seen it because you my fiends have hours of viewing pleasure ahead of you.  Make yourself a sandwich and stock up on Tim Tams because you’re not going to move for a while.   


my overachieving baby girl #9

kitty c —  November 7, 2014 — 2 Comments

Aloha!  Is it November already?  I was meant to spend this week planting tomatoes and building a vegetable garden but it took all of three seconds to realise that grass is a M!$#@% !@%##R to dig up.  It might look all soft and friendly but it’s actually stuck in the ground with cement. 

Carn-Yay to the rescue:

vegie patch

I guess I need to get some soil and some seedlings if we’re going to be self sufficient.  And a watering can and a trowel and…  Eh, maybe I’ll just duck down to Aldi and get one of those crunchy Asian salad mixes instead.    

Life is good.  Spring Racing Carnival is on in Melbourne, which means nothing to me and meant nothing even in the pre-Tilly era.  The idea of being drunk, uncomfortably dressed and stuck in the middle of nowhere surrounded by other similarly drunk (and probably better dressed) people is my idea of hell.  BUT spring is a great time of year, maybe even better than summer and autumn.  A pox on you, winter! 

Meanwhile, look how my little rockstar has grown:

Matilda (the entrepreneur) plans to fill this wagon with carrots and sell them for a dollar each.

Matilda plans to fill this wagon with carrots and sell them for a dollar each. She’s going to use the money she makes to buy more seeds and grow more carrots and sell them for two dollars each.